Flow ¬ /01:13
ORD's next week!
yet.. the excitement hadnt been what i pictured it to be. contrary its much lonelier & cold.
The phrase "朋友满天下(nt sure which xia)" seems to be a topic which doesnt applies to me.
really need to get my rigid-syndrome out of my life. I need more flow in everything I do, not some ass shit stupid logic and fear for something. Its a constant pet peeve when I cant sustain a proper conversation, understand what one is doing.. the 人汽关系 lah.. its so much easier putting it down on paper then reacting it out. Probably on paper just gives me the time to pause and think; out with people I'm always the one that seems to have dropped on the outside..
I crave that change. Yet how do i ? there's always that inner voice that says otherwise.. I'm tired...
Fighting Adversity /00:54
A friend once said "words and visions are powerful tools shaping a future..."
I somehow doubt the truth of it. Then, it was the early bird for stand chart marathon 2012. I hesitated whether to "confirm payment" but I did anyway thinking about the image of me crossing the finish line smiling, knowing I had won the fight against 'what i was told not to do' - to run.
I was skeptical to start training; felt myself dwindling away.. I was caught in a dilemma, to risk or no risk. But this mental image kept coming back. so much so i took the risk and I told myself that 'finishing that race will be a sign of me winning'. I did a bit of training, slow and steady stuff.. at first it didnt felt good..
then somehow or rather things got better. I didn't know how it worked, it just got lesser pain and manageable that's the word. I'm cautious whether its my body developing its own pain killers or its really good.
Two days ago, I went for my fortnightly appointment at the doctor's. To my surprise: he actually said there wasn't anything he can do for my disc bulge today only the spinal adjustment.. :)
I had received my ace of spades. and yes that image still stood as I ran around macritchie reservoir yesterday afternoon - the longest run thus far.
Awesome!
To better, stronger and faster.
NDP 2012 /23:30
Awesome and Spectacular...
When the doors opened to the stage I was excited as were my guys.. and they came marching in, executing that almost seamless transition of drills and party rock anthem. That routine we've practiced countless of times since May. That music we've listened till we're always sick in the stomach. But on the actual day of 9th August 2012, I stood proud by the side as I watched them executed the best 8mins thus far.. Perfect Swee! It felt like the best present I could have given to Singapore and one of the best experience in my NS life.
Rewarding as it felt to see all walks of people come together to execute the drills. It had indeed been a long and painful journey with many downs and a few ups. People that were pumped up at the start losing the flame as time passes by.. extraordinary people we would just do the simple thing such as 'shutting up' when i'm talking, that simple respect.. perhaps the most rewarding were the people extinguishing the flame from the start and only through much coaxing then came back strong and full of valor. That feeling was so nice, and I really gotta thank my mentors who have given me the philosophy of not giving up on anyone, let the person choose his own fate. Encouragement is a pretty powerful thing.
Wherever this group of people end up in the future I wish them all the best. :)
Much can be said about ndp too, met friends there.. No new ones sadly but it had inspired me to want to come back and give back to what Singapore has provided. Renew that sense of patriotism. It wasnt felt so much last year but this year actually seeing the national flag fly past and the 21 gun salute.. It just drilled into you, glad to be home.
Paddling yesterday's KOP for AJC also brought new perspective on how classes should be conducted too. Many a times we as trainers had focused our attention on students' strokes and how they paddle and their safety. But are teens nowadays just getting out of their house? do they value nature? It just gave me new insights when their teacher was talking to them about conservation and the purpose of today's expedition.. And sad to see a few interested in hearing what he has to deliver.
I might just try something similar in the future. then as to how to get people out and about? I think much really has to be done about the youth culture here then.. we need to eradicate the psp the ps3 from kids when they were young.. and the parents whom have gone through the mud and sweat needs to let their kids grow up the same way too.. else how to survive in the versatile planet called earth?
London Olympics let the games begin!! /00:17
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
Paul McCartney's rendition of "hey jude" at the opening ceremony of the london 2012 Olympic Games. What a good show the Brits have put out there.. showcasing everything we know so well of the union jack. The Bond appearance with her majesty the queen, Rowan Atkinson's classic British Humor of Mr Bean and the chariots of fire.. and lastly the lighting of the cauldron by the promising young athletes Britain is grooming; coupled with Paul's singing of "hey jude" - possibly one of the greatest musician of all time, he practically shaped the music we hear today and now he's there in the heart of youth and soul shaping them and further driving that great sense of patriotism.
Love it!
Makes me so want to visit London now!! Argh!
Run for life /22:53
Today I ran.
After 8 months.
it felt damn good to be back in that pair of trainers, the same one that brought me thru the previous 2 marathons.. Feeling the wind brushing past my ear, getting all that inner pain out of my mind.
Start small and think big.
hugs and misses /00:14
Payphone cover by Jayesslee
Gosh. I feel so in love.
Just feel like tasting the warm and fuzzy feeling inside. The birds singing and sun shining brightly.
:)
Where ar thou?
0 comments
很累 /23:58
8 months. That is how long I've been combating this 'issue' in me.
Progress had been exponential in the earlier part of the year but the past few weeks, everything just seemed to slowed to a crawl or zip.
Been in denial mode ever since, sincerely hoping that things will turn out good. Yes, Hope is the only thing i can hang on to, drive me forward.
For a moment today after meeting my doctor and he telling me today's diagnostics.. it had been the same thing week after week; I felt a chill, a lost hope.
Lost because one side of me is dying to get out there and do the sports and activities i'd worked so hard to enjoy the last 3 years. Desperate enough to not see it go to waste and myself getting wasted and sink back to the potato i was when i grad sec sch. I've fun here.
The other side is telling me to nua, adopt a safety first policy. The most logical method any doctor and parent will want me to do. But i cant, cause its just so 'boring' & it felt exactly the same way i felt when i was that potato. Furthermore, when most us meet up its to DO that activity; i feel so left out when i'm not part of it.
I'm envious at friends who have a buzz of activities to do, a whole spontaneous group of individuals. compared to just a spontaneous person. I want to try that something new, that something to light up things again. Give me back that Hope pls...
Thursday, 23 February 2012
Walk by Foo Fighters
Learning to walk againI believe I've waited long enoughWhere do I begin?Learning to talk againCan't you see I've waited long enoughWhere do I begin?
Literally I'm learning to walk again indeed. People around me does seem to go higher leaving me in a cloud of dust..
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
A friend recently commented "you're the type of person one doesn't hate nor love.. very neutral, and almost got the feel of we can do with or without you..."
This comment hit home for me spot on and jottled me up from the stiff bus ride. There's some kindof truth in it, and set me thinking as I've recently felt that in gatherings, somehow or rather I'm always the odd one out. 卖不出. There's always this barrier to communication, that body language that's hindering me. why? feels as thou my mind is not sync w myself at all.. Sustaining conversation is one, and two is being too quick to "close convo". Why huh? It is just simply of me lacking the self confidence in myself and that I should start self praising myself?!
How now brown cow?
problems of late /01:48
yes i still cant run, bored and soulless. running used to be my way of reliving frustrations and stress, now that i cant, i hope typing it out might be good for the soul.
sigh, been having a fair bit of mood swings recently. maybe its because of my back issues leaving me very quick tempered and not in the mood to socialise. tsk tsk no good no good.. Maybe its that I'm one that's always out and about; and just about recently people around me start to get busy.. so there's this energy around and no where to release it, owing to the start of me not able to run and do stuff.. welcoming frustrations.. sometimes I wished I could be in love; at least i get to be occupied, got someone to lean on, just Doing stuff.. every time this topic appears, all i could comment on is people's experience, my perspective, facts from the net, etc. Frustrating to hear and see so much, yet not been able to taste it..
*fingers crossed mate.
been also thinking about the future. Yes, procrastination leads you to davy jones! Back in poly, i used to think that 'heng, still got 2 yrs in NS to consider what to do.." but hor, in NS, this brain matter is practically frozen in time.. all i would think about is when book-out, when time-off.. studies and stuff are like locked and i've thrown away the key. fast forward and its 7months to go, and it seemed as though i've went to the north pole, came back and realised iphone4 had been launched.
its saddening that our society permits only a paper-or-dont-talk principle. Does studying so much make you a better person? Its just memorising and doing TenYearSeries, why dont we just get a computer instead? And that if one is not a paper holder, its almost certain the high paying jobs are out of your radar.. with cost of living aiming of the sky. how to survive when pay is not reciprocal to this increase? no wonder everyone's chasing the paper, studying for the sake of survival no longer a system where learning is based on one's curiosity, one's passion.. :(
to those that are not good memory machines, they naturally dont make the cut for subsised local universities. leaving private universities the alternative way to survive, but squeezing alot from your already drying pocket, plus rising cost of living. its an uphill struggle upon graduation indeed.
Change would be good. and in an urgent need to fast track. Everything from hiring to society as a whole. Currently, despite all. things are still largely modeled on the past, where the basics of starting up a country.. engineering, banking, medical.. but now that we've become first world, focus should be shared with things such as arts, science and sports.. everything in this sector is still pertaining to the thinking of 'if i do like this, how would we look, got money to gain?, dont have then throw'... back to money and glory again and paper chase. instead there should be a 'fall down and its okay try again' attitude, the process and people developer the importance. everyone's a leader in someway dont they? so focus on the people, not the economy! pls.
its time this society needs to step out of her shadow of the past. paint a smile again on people's face..
apologise if the thoughts are all over the place. but am in desperate need to get them out of this head uh..
