8 months. That is how long I've been combating this 'issue' in me.
Progress had been exponential in the earlier part of the year but the past few weeks, everything just seemed to slowed to a crawl or zip.
Been in denial mode ever since, sincerely hoping that things will turn out good. Yes, Hope is the only thing i can hang on to, drive me forward.

For a moment today after meeting my doctor and he telling me today's diagnostics.. it had been the same thing week after week; I felt a chill, a lost hope.
Lost because one side of me is dying to get out there and do the sports and activities i'd worked so hard to enjoy the last 3 years. Desperate enough to not see it go to waste and myself getting wasted and sink back to the potato i was when i grad sec sch. I've fun here.
The other side is telling me to nua, adopt a safety first policy. The most logical method any doctor and parent will want me to do. But i cant, cause its just so 'boring' & it felt exactly the same way i felt when i was that potato. Furthermore, when most us meet up its to DO that activity; i feel so left out when i'm not part of it.

I'm envious at friends who have a buzz of activities to do, a whole spontaneous group of individuals. compared to just a spontaneous person. I want to try that something new, that something to light up things again. Give me back that Hope pls...